Speak What We Feel

I've Moved

2009-09-15T00:02:00.004-05:00

Speak What We Feel has a new home!

I've been wanting to switch over to Wordpress for quite some time now. Well, I was having trouble in Blogger uploading my latest post on L'Engle and the semicolon, so after several attempts, I threw in the towel and made the move.

You can still follow it through Google and Facebook; and you can of course still subscribe to the feed. So please update your means of participating in Speak What We Feel, because I value your contributions, without which SWWF would be desperately wanting.

Come see me: www.reneamac.wordpress.com

Books I'm Reading will be moving soon.

Know, Respect, Break the Rules Part Two: CS Lewis & Capitalization

2009-08-25T19:15:00.008-05:00

Remember, back in the distant past, the series on writing I said I was starting? The long-awaited part two is here! A quick review: Understanding grammar opens the door for you in your writing to break the rules because you understand language as organic. You understand the reason why grammatical and linguistic structures exist; you understand their purposes. This understanding lends itself to creative writing that cannot be contained by the face value of the rules, but is rather empowered by their exponential value---like the Law and the spirit of the Law.

The writers who taught me the exponential value of capitalization: CS Lewis and e. e. cummings. You know the rules of capitalization (unless you've been corrupted by text-speak---insert soapbox here): the beginning of sentences, and quoted sentences, and proper nouns. Lewis and Cummings allow the capital letter to go deeper in its responsibility in communicating to the reader.

Cummings's contribution is rather obvious. when he
capitalizes a word, you Notice. those
..........words
.....................stand
....................................out

(I should probably do a whole post on Cummings's unconventional structuring.)

Lewis capitalizes words that aren't usually capitalized as well, and I think, for the same reason: because they're significant... and not for the same reason (generally): because they're Significant. For Lewis, capitalization often serves as a signpost of spiritual realities. He uses it to name a reality. Note these examples from The Screwtape Letters (which isn't the only book where Lewis shows this pattern, but the book I happen to have most handy).

"We of course see the connecting link, which is Hatred."
"This has largely been effected by concentration all our efforts on gluttony of Delicacy, not gluttony of Excess."
"He claims to be three as well as one, in order that this nonsense about Love may find a foothold in His own nature."

As I mentioned in part one, reading good literature is a good way to learn about writing, and just as we naturally pick up the quirks and witticisms of our friends, we just as easily absorb and imitate the patterns and nuances of what we read---some of us more fluidly than others. I am one of those some. I absorb and imitate like a chameleon, and I'll admit, I usually get a bit overzealous unawares---like an infatuated crush---but I eventually notice the saturation of a new trick in my work, calm down a bit, and maintain my own style. I did this when I noticed I had begun to Capitalize Everything after my CS Lewis class.

I did the same saturating and cutting back after reading lots of L'Engle and falling in love with her semicolon (and her). Stay tuned for part three and find out more about my love affair with the semicolon.

I'm an Idiot

2009-08-07T09:30:00.005-05:00

So, I was in the shower--my think tank of sorts-- thinking of online etiquette, how when commenting on a celebrity or a politician, someone we know but don't know, we should only say things we should say to that person's face (I say should, because there are things we would say to a person's face that we probably shouldn't say either).

The next night, I'm sitting in my living room, reading Thinking Through Christianity, and I'm frustrated about this story. So swiftly, I comment: "This guy's an idiot." Almost before I finish typing, I hear the Holy Spirit echo my own words back to me. I consider it briefly then justify and rationalize and publish.

Well, turns out, the author of the article (the man I so readily called an idiot) found this conversation, and defended his position against the original post, seemingly ignoring my comment, which it deserved, and which no doubt only confirmed many of his suspicions. Brilliant, Renea.

I'm an idiot. And I was wrong. I was reactionary, the very thing I deplore. And I apologize.

Picking up where we left off

2009-07-13T18:03:00.011-05:00

Several of my friends from different terms at L'Abri found their way to Dallas last week. I was out on the town all week long having little L'Abri-like conversations about life and relationships and spirituality and sex and Obama and experiencing the 4th of July in Texas... It was wonderful. Chris called the night before, Curtis didn't call at all; Emily and Erin made plans months in advance, John a week in advance. I took them to some of my old favorites: restaurants and pubs, book stores and museums; and they helped me discover new things: Thanks to Curtis's I-phone, we discovered this really cool movie theater off of Inwood where we watched Up and belly-laughed and teared up and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

I rode the trolley down town for the first time! We hopped on in front of the Dallas Museum of Art after long-overdue, stimulating conversation about art, and rode it (for free!) until we saw a point of interest to get a cool drink and relax. I rediscovered The Sixth Floor Museum with Erin. I hadn't been there since I was a kid, and I very much enjoyed experiencing it as an adult. It's still an eerie experience, and one that makes me well up; but this visit was even more emotional because of the many similarities between Jack and Barack: during one of the short films in the museum, I leaned over and commented to Erin, "Sound familiar?" She nodded with a knowing and equally appreciative expression. We enjoyed The Crooked Tree Coffee House, free (and very good) jazz, and Pulitzer prize-winning A Chorus Line. I was even able to parallel park downtown---it was a magical affair.

I am thankful for these friends, their conversation, their love, generosity, and like-mindedness, their laughter, and their ability to simply pick up where we left off. I have the next few weeks free too if anyone else would like to swing by D-town. I'm just sayn'. :)

Know the Rules, Respect the Rules, Break the Rules: Part One: Introductions

2009-06-22T18:19:00.012-05:00

I'm starting a series of posts on writing called Know the Rules, Respect the Rules, Break the Rules. I used to teach a class called Foundations for Excellence: a required course for freshmen that was sort of like College 101. We had a unit on writing which I always began by saying to my students, "Rules are meant to be broken." In response, I had a classroom full of shocked expressions looking back at me---This is our teacher talking? "It's true," I'd say. "Well, first rules are meant to be known, then they're meant to be broken."

To know something is so much more than to merely have a collection of facts tumbling around in your brain. Knowing is, in a sense, to enter into a relationship with a thing. This is certainly true about knowing the rules of writing. My relationship with the rules of writing is the endeavor of this series, and it starts where all things start: with introductions.

Introducing Mrs. Gilstrap

There are several teachers and professors who taught, corrected, and encouraged me in my writing, who believed in me and were instrumental to who I am as a writer and a person. The one who really got the ball rolling was my High School English teacher Mrs. Gilstrap, who taught me about structure and style and saw something special in my work. Mrs. Gilstrap taught me how to write properly (and well). She really took my work to a whole new level, and gave me a great head start when I started college. She taught me that understanding grammar gives one freedom as a writer to break the rules. It was this foundation that paved the way for authors I would later read to open up my world to the meaningful use of punctuation and linguistics.

Introducing Books

I learn the quite a lot about writing from reading: fiction and non-fiction---literary criticisms, novels, series, memoirs, poetry, essays. I'm a slow reader, in part because I like to read as if I'm reading aloud. With fiction, I like to imagine all the details; with non-fiction, I pretend what I'm reading is a lecture, which often gives the dynamics of a good orator to an otherwise laborious text. Reading slowly also gives me a good feel for the author's particular style. I absorb it without really even thinking about it---like the way we start to pick up the words and phrases our friends use, I begin to incorporate style subtleties of those I'm reading into my own writing, and even words and phrases. Sometimes reading too much gets in the way of writing, because of course, writing is also a good teacher of writing.

Introducing Authors

The following writers introduced me to the subtleties of writing. When I say an author has introduced me to a punctuation mark, I mean he or she has allowed me to see this mark for what it really is---and, what it can be.

C.S. Lewis introduced me to parentheses; he also introduced me to capitalization, as did e.e. cummings. Madeleine L'Engle introduced me to the semi-colon; Mellissa Bank, the progressive participle; and Lynne Truss, the dash -- along with Emily Dickenson. There are others, no doubt, but these are the major players.

***

These are the people and habits which introduced me to writing: to grammar, to structure, to style --- they introduced me to the rules and helped me understand the rules well enough to respect the spirit underneath them, which freed me, led me really, to break out beyond them. The next several posts will give a look at how these specific authors and books opened my world to things so seemingly mundane as punctuation.

Hail the Conquering Graduates!

2009-06-10T21:47:00.019-05:00

I was asked to put together a few resourses for the high school grads at church. I thought I'd share the wealth with the World Wide Web.

Below you’ll find helpful and hopefully meaningful resources to guide you as you embark on adulthood. I especially recommend the two blogs. The most valuable resource of all, though, is people. Get involved in your own way on campus and in a local church. But don’t just hang out with people your own age---that’ll make you boring. Be sure to introduce yourself to your professors and tell them thank you (will likely turn that B+ into an A). I’ve been teaching and learning from college students for a really long time. So I know quite a bit about college stuff; and a decent amount about life stuff too---you can always ask me anything. The whole world is before you; but you never have to face it, with all its joys and hardships, alone.

Many congratulations and blessings.
Renea

Bookmark This

GoCollege.com
Here you’ll find really good tips for getting the most out of the really (sometimes really, really) expensive education you’re getting. Classroom lectures, writing assignments, and even exams can be a lot different in college than they were in high school. The tips on this website can help make the transition smoother.

Biblos.com
Biblos.com is this great website I’ve only recently discovered. It’s a one-stop-shop for all your biblestudy tools including, concordances, commentaries, maps, pictures, devotions, and of course the Bible itself in several different translations and languages.

EveryStudent.com
I’m really pumped about this website. It’s a place where no question about God or life is out of bounds. When your friends have questions about God and Christianity, or when you have questions yourself, this website can help. In college you’ll do a lot of exploring, discovering, and learning about yourself: what you think about God, Christianity, the way the world is, the way it should be. This website is designed to guide you on that journey. Be sure to check out Life Issues, which touches on topics such as sex, beauty, racism, and shame.

Probe.org
Curious about Genesis and evolution? Need help answering the tough questions your friends have about Christianity? Whether you want to learn more about your friend’s religion, are struggling with questions like –– Why do bad things happen to good people? –– or you need a credible source for the paper you’re writing, probe.org is an excellent resource that can help you think through some really tough topics.

Blogs

Living Spirituality
Living Spirituality offers helpful, encouraging, and even sometimes convicting devotionals. It also provides a weekly discussion about real life stuff. These discussions are helpful as we try to live like Jesus in our everyday lives.

Surviving College Life
Surviving College Life is a really cool blog that’s incredibly comprehensive. Not only will it be helpful as you prepare to arrive on campus. This will be something you’ll find useful throughout your college years as you move from dorms to apartments, friendships to romances, and from major to major. The above link is a list of all the posts divided by topic. So whether you’re looking for time management tips, study aids, roommate advice, financial aid resources, or fitness facts, Surviving College Life can help give you a heads up and point you in a good direction.

Book Buzz
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

This brief list of books includes stuff I read in college that was really important to my Christian walk, as well as a few books I wish I had read in college. They’re books I hope you will find helpful as you journey with Jesus and strive to think christianly. (Don’t worry; they’re not just “smart people” books. Most of these are very easy to read.)

Don’t Waste Your Life
--John Piper
When Christ gave us real life, he gave our lives meaning and purpose. Don’t Waste Your Life is about living on purpose a life passionate for God and people.

The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God
--Brent Curtis & John Eldredge
This is not a girly book; don’t let the title fool you. The Sacred Romance was a really important book for me when I was in college. It helped me understand the big picture of the Bible: the story of God and the story of my own life. It helped me understand the difference between living by the rules and living spiritually.

Welcome to College: A Christ-follower’s Guide for the Journey
--Jonathan Morrow
Welcome to College includes chapters on the problem of evil and suffering, Christology, ethics and much more. You will also find a broad collection of practical topics: health, sex and dating, finances, Internet use, alcohol. This book provides unique and much–needed help for navigating the head–spinning newness of college life.

Eat This Book: The Art of Spiritual Reading
--Eugene Peterson
This is a really helpful book about how to read and interpret and understand the Bible, how to let the Scriptures nourish and feed us, how to live the Scriptures as they are the Living Words of God.

Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity
--Lauren F. Winner
Winner talks about sex in a realistic way. She sorts through the confusing messages we hear about sex from both the world and the church, and helps us think about sex and romantic love within the big picture of God’s story. Real Sex provides biblical and practical guidance for unmarried Christians who desire to honor God with their sexuality and dating relationships.

Messy Spirituality: God’s Annoying Love for Imperfect People
-- Mike Yaconelli
This small book says big things about what being a Christian looks like. It reminds us that we’re all human in need of God’s grace; that there’s no such thing as the ideal Christian---there’s no one-size-fits-all pattern of spirituality.

The Green Letters
--Miles J. Stanford
The Green Letters is about spiritual growth. It’s one of those books you can pick and choose what you want to read by scanning over the Table of Contents; that is, the chapters don’t necessarily have to be read in order. This book will challenge you to live less selfishly, or we could say, less as a self-follower and more as a Christ-follower.

5 Paths to the Love of Your Life: Defining Your Dating Style
--Alex Chediak
There are basically five different approaches to romantic love from the Christian perspective. This book gives you an overview of these five views, their advantages and disadvantages, and the logic and Scripture behind them. So you can decide for yourself which path you relate to most, which enables you to be intentional about biblical, christianly romance.

Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin
--Cornelius Plantinga Jr.
What is sin? What are the effects of sin? How do we think and talk about sin (if at all)? How do we deal with sin? These are some of the questions discussed in this small, but impactful book on sin. You’d think a book all about sin would be depressing, but Plantinga understands that sin is only the distortion of something originally good; and that though things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be now, they will be one day soon when Christ returns.

Books I'm Reading

2009-04-30T22:42:00.008-05:00

Check out my latest book review at Books I'm Reading.

Watch Your Toes

2009-04-09T16:31:00.005-05:00

I'll say it again because I'm not sure anyone heard me the first time. Because of which I'm afraid I cannot be quite as diplomatic as previously; so watch your toes.

Regardless of who you voted for, we have a new President, poised in the highest office in the land. This office and the person occupying it ought to have our unwavering respect. If the leader of our nation fails us with scandal or betrayal or incompetence, he or she has perhaps forfeit much of our respect, but there is a level of common decency that should never wane -- a human level if nothing else.

Regardless of who you voted for, January 20, 2009 was a fine day, not only because we elected the first non-white to the Oval Office, but for many reasons. I'm amazed that anyone is able to deny the positives. I suppose it's less a matter of denial and more an issue weight. I suppose many of my readers believe President Obama's liabilities outweigh his potential contributions. Well, either way, I believe it is crucial to our humanity, and thereby crucial to our Christianity, to take moral high ground, to affirm the good, more than that, to look for it! Jesus said, "Seek and you shall find." And it's true. Seek the negative in a person or a situation and you will find it.

I'm tired of hearing well-meaning people from my beloved state (and I mean that; I'm not being sarcastic) bash or belittle our President in one breath and in the very next breath attempt to present the gospel of of our Lord Jesus. I'm tired of hearing negative commentary about our President every time I turn around and never (I wish I were exaggerating) hearing anything truly positive. If I do hear someone I know say something positive, it's delivered in such a back-handed way, it's worthless. Let's be honest with ourselves. If President Bush had made that comment about the Special Olympics, which we all know isn't hard to imagine, we'd be defending him: "Oh, well, he shouldn't have said that, but..." But because it slipped from the lips of a democrat -- and we're sore losers (republicans and democrats alike) -- we're indignant: "I can't believe... blah, blah, blah." As if we all don't make light-handed comments about the short bus, etc. And I don't hear anyone give respect for President Obama's quickness to apologize. We like that about Senator McCain, but ignore it in Mr. Obama. We are hypocrites. Everything President Obama does is disgusting to us because he's overturned policy on abortion and stem-cell research, policy which I think is less black and white then we wish it were. I know people who refuse to even hear him speak. I know others who listen to his addresses only with ears perked up to pick on and put down the President and his administration.

I'm sick of it.

I will reissue my challenge. Let us avoid the temptation to attatch ourselves to each and every small opportunity to boast childishly, "I told you so!" Let us not be people who delight only in pouncing upon the shortcomings of another so that we can proudly declare our right-ness, wearing our superiority like a badge of consolation. How petty. I don't care if you think the honeymoon phase we're in right now with our new President is annoying. What kind of bitter old, love-less bachelor/spinster/married couple goes around vehemently tearing down and grounding newlyweds? So what if everyone is infatuated with Mr. Obama? If it really is something that will pass and wear off, let it pass and wear off. On the other hand, I'm not saying some of the inordinate infatuation ought not be tempered, but it should be done gently and lovingly, with generosity and perhaps even with a good dose of good-natured humor, not biting sarcasm. Our present attitude is one that shouts, "We won't be caught in the snare of his charm; we're not going to risk being made fools of! No. We are smarter than that." It's an attitude that whispers, "Everyone else is stupid."

Nay! Rather let us be first to seek out the good and acclaim it! not to disregard or ignore negatives and shortcomings and wrongs and mistakes, but to keep balanced perspective. We would certainly be a better witness to a world that expects so little of us based on the bitter bile we normally spew. Let's surprise them. They expect us to seek out the negatives. Let's raise their eyebrows, turn their heads, and peak their interest by making use of the bridges of Common Grace which already exist rather than burning them down. And let's take humble, patient, loving responsibility toward one another by encouraging others in the Body to do the same. Let's be the change.

Part Two

2009-03-20T18:27:00.013-05:00

I want to really drive this idea home, so I'd like to read a story from -- yep, you guessed it -- Lauren Winner's Real Sex.

I recently attended a women's retreat where one of the workshops was about singleness. The speaker, whom I'll call Myrtle, encouraged the single women in the audience to think carefully about what type of guy they're looking for. "You want a Prince Charming," Myrtle said, "and Prince Charmings are attracted to modest women. You might attract certain men by sporting skimpy skirts, but you won't attract the kind of man you really want to be with."

It's encouraging to think that mature Christians are more interested in character than cleavage; yet there is something unsettling about this assurance that chastity will be the erotic mystery that will lead Mr. Right (or Miss Right) to our door. Prince Charming can begin to rival God as the object of our attentions. Myrtle ended her talk on this note: "What we single women have to do is no more and no less than faithfully pray that our perfect guy is out there. We don't need to hunt him down, we just need to wait for the Lord to deliver him to us. [Is he a pizza?] We don't need to worry about him. Instead we need to focus on ourselves, becoming the pure, modest woman that our Prince Charming will be on the lookout for. We need to devote ourselves to prayer, humility, and grace. We need to continue becoming godly women, so that when the time is right, we will have those godly characteristics that the godly man we dream about will love."

[And that sounds right doesn't it? I mean, that does sound like what we ought to be doing: focusing on prayer, humility, and grace. But this is the point:] I'm not disputing the desirability of the chaste woman or man. It may well be that one of the benefits of practicing chastity is that you attract friends and admirers that admire chastity. But attracting others is not the goal of chastity. Indeed, if Myrtle is focused on catching the eye of the guy who likes chaste women, she may not be inhabiting chastity at all.
...

Myrtle seems to be working toward becoming, principally, the kind of woman Prince Charming wants, which incidentally may be the kind of woman God wants. Her priorities, I would suggest, need to flip-flop. We are to become the persons of God, and this may bear the incidental fruit of attracting a great partner. The point of chastity is not that you turn your attention away from other people to make you more attractive to them, but that you turn your attention away from sexual and romantic entanglements with other people, and orient yourself toward God. (129-131, bracketed parentheticals mine)

What does it mean to “orient our lives toward God”?

Right. It means we align ourselves to God’s ways. Why would we do that?

[Silence.]

It's a tough question, I know, but an important one. Why does it matter? Why should we bother? Let me help you put words to what I suspect some of you know in that deep, unspeakable way. God’s way is the way it’s supposed to be. We talked last week about the physical reality of sex being evidence that God’s creational intention for sex is good and right and true; how sexually transmitted diseases evidence the fact that when we misdirect our sex-lives, something isn’t right. Look around you. Look around you and you’ll see things aren’t the way they're supposed to be. There’s so much hurting in the world. There’s so much hurting sexually; things are no longer true -- or straight -- they’re bent. Jesus came and he began the process of righting all the wrong and healing all the hurt. Those of us who believe are called to continue the work Christ began until he returns, when everything will be made right at long last! We do this by orienting our lives toward God.

Here’s where I get back to why it’s important to have standards concerning who you will and will not date. Because purity, sexual purity, is bigger than sets of dos and don’ts, rights and wrongs, standards and judgments; it’s about shaping our lives to the themes of the Gospel, themes such as love, mercy, justice, healing, forgiveness; themes such as defending the oppressed and supporting the weak; themes that express God’s way. Learning how to do this is a life-long process. Jesus promises in Matthew 6 that if we will orient our lives toward God’s kingdom, everything else will work out. In light of this promise, let me challenge you to commit the rest of your lives invested in communities dedicated to learning what it means to pray and live out, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth...” Marry the man who has oriented his life toward God and journey toward the Kingdom together… for as long as you both shall live.

Part One

2009-03-20T01:00:00.012-05:00

Below is a talk I gave recently to our high school girls. I thought you all might appreciate it.
____________________________________________________

Today we’re going to talk about boundaries and expectations. Both of which cause us to be selective.

I have to thank Brad Paisley for a song of his which has provided me with this metaphor: dating is a lot like shopping for new clothes. The line from the song goes like this:

When you go out shopping, you try on brand new clothes.
To see if something fits or not, there's just one way to know.
Why's it any different when someone asks you out?
You might as well just try me on before you turn me down.

I appreciate this metaphor. I walk into a store -- even ones I frequent -- and sometimes I don't know how something is going to fit until I try it on. Other times I can tell simply by looking at a piece that it isn't my style or is too big or too small. You know, there are some stores I don't even have to go into because those clothes aren't for me: they might be too trashy or too preppy or whatever. Also, having friends with me whom I trust is helpful. They're honest with me and will encourage me to try things I might not otherwise; items they know will look good on me when I may be unsure -- and they're almost always right! I also depend on them to tell me, "No, Renea. That dress doesn't do you right; that color is not for you. Renea, seriously; put that one back." :)

You see where this is going don't you? Okay, so dating, well, living really, is about risk, but it's calculated risk -- more or less. To say that it's important to take risks... in any relationship, dating or otherwise, is not to say we should be uncritical or haphazard. Not being selective about who you’ll date is like letting a perfect stranger pick out all your clothes for you; whatever that person brings you, that is what you have to buy, take home, and wear. You don't do that. Why would you be unbiased about who you date?

Okay. So let’s talk about dating non-Christians. How many of you think it’s probably okay to date unbelievers? You can be honest. Come on. Forget for a minute that you know what the right answers are supposed to be, or that you think you know what I want you to say. ‘Cuz let’s be real, if you’re unconvinced about what the church has to say about dating unbelievers, chances are we’re dropping the ball in some way. And hey, we aren’t right about everything; that’s impossible; maybe we’re wrong about this. So if you think we are, let’s talk about it.

Worldview. Whole persons. Intimacy. (Sorry, I did this part extemporaneously.)

The author of our book puts it this way: “If you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it. Is that how you want to aim for your husband – with an open, blank slate? Or do you want to dream of someone who is just right for you, who complements your weaknesses, and who fulfills your hopes and desires” (63)?

And the point she’s making is the same one Brad and I were making with the shopping illustration. If we don’t have certain standards, goals, ideas and expectations for our lives, including our love-lives, we’ll be directionless. We’ll zig and zag here and there following any story about sex and romance that’s compelling in the moment. And that makes us incredibly vulnerable to believing the lies and distorted views the world has about who we are and how we should live, distorted views about who we are sexually and how we should live our romantic lives.

I’d like to take this thought a bit further, if you’ll let me. I’d like to suggest a bigger target. That instead of aiming for a husband who will fulfill the hopes you’ve pinned upon him, we aim for the Bridegroom of the Church, Jesus, and put our hope in him. As you release your arrow in the direction of the Kingdom, if you happen to snag a husband by the shirt collar, GREAT! More to the point, if your arrow becomes intertwined with another going in the same direction, WONDERFUL!

______________
Stay tuned for part two, and see where we go from here.

The P.E.A.C.E. Plan

2009-03-05T19:39:00.007-06:00

This is a teaser vid. Go to the website, get yourself something to eat, get comfortable, and watch the whole sermon.

Communal Sex

2009-02-07T13:03:00.015-06:00

To borrow from Lauren Winner's Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity (who is building upon Wendell Berry), "Sex is communal rather than private, personal rather than public."

It's time for another shout out to my community, both among those who meet together with me in the same building on Sundays, and those in the Body spread out near and far. Being 27 and single -- and chaste -- is not easy. I certainly couldn't do it alone, so fortunately, I don't have to. I'm surrounded by married and unmarried, young and old, very young and not old, but not... well, you get the idea. And these people invite me into their lives (and I invite them into mine). And so, I have community; community with other single believers who take the exhortation to live lives worthy of Christ's sacrifice and calling seriously, which includes, for various reasons, chastity; community with married Christians who live with a likewise intentional desire to align themselves wholly to Christ, which also includes chastity -- instead of abstaining from premarital sex and all that includes, abstaining from extramarital sex and all that includes. Even being in community with my 1st graders impacts my calling for this time of celibacy: conversations like, "How do you liiveee!?", but also simply serving, so I'm not constantly thinking on myself. Furthermore, living at home, with Mom and Dad, is helpful -- not living alone, and not simply sharing space (house), but sharing life (home); the same was true of L'Abri.

So, it's easier.

My church doesn't do everything perfectly. The sermon illustrations are still about marriage and family 99 percent of the time, which despite my belief in the skills of transference, can still be largely alienating. People -- married people -- still ask me things like, "Well, do you want to get married?" and are baffled when my answer is "yes and no" and not one or the other: like, "Come on, Renea, it's simple, either you're called to be single or you're called to be married; either you want to marry and will make choices accordingly, or you don't, and won't." I want to be like, "Really? How long have you been 'called' to retire, rather than 'called' to work?" But I can't help but smile to myself about how funny and fatalistic we get about romance; we forget our vow to one another in marriage is "until death do us part," not "happily ever after;" that even marriage is seasonal, just like the rest of life, "not because of divorce, but because of death" (139), and ultimately, because of our New Life upon Christ's return.

But they do a lot of things well. They don't ask me upon first seeing me, "Are you seeing anyone?" They ask after weeks, months even, usually as the conversation lends itself, rather than out of the blue. I appreciate that. I appreciate it on two levels: one, it's a tiresome question when it's always the first one you hear, no matter how much I try to tell myself, 'They just think you're cute and likable, and want to know, naturally, who you're dating.' :) and two, I like being asked about my life, even the really personal stuff, by people who've earned the right to do so. I mean, OK, when it comes to confessing, I don't always like it, but who doesn't thrive on feeling the vested interest of others who love them? (By the way, this derives in part, no doubt, from a sermon exhorting non-single folk to think of other questions to ask. Bravo, Pastor.)

They do ask me about the hard stuff: What am I watching? How have I been imaginatively virtuous today? How have I been vicious? How do I treat the men with whom I interact while dancing, or at the library, or at Starbucks? This could probably be done more, but we're slowly overcoming the trappings of our over-individualized, over-privatized society. If I were seeing someone, I am confident they'd ask about what we do behind closed doors. To borrow again from Winner, when I was baptized into the Body, what I do with my body becomes your business to a degree, not in explicit detail, but insofar as we all have been unified with Christ's bodily burial and resurrection. Since, "what we do with our bodies, what we do sexually, shapes our persons" (50), sexuality is a communal affair; it matters; and we have, not only the right, but the obligation to ask each other what we did last night, not in a policing way, but as an extension of Grace.

They invite me to dinner, but more than that, they invite me to life: dinner with the kids going crazy, dinner and games and talking, dinner and working together -- preparing for and cleaning after. This kind of doing life together keeps us from being boxed into separate packages of block cheese over there and Kraft Singles over here. Which brings me to a similar point, the "life classes" at church, or whatever they're called these days, aren't split up demographically either. Or at least, that's the intention. It may take several years for people to change their ways, but God promises to honor the vision -- and the works -- of the church when they align with his. We gain perspective from each other. I have insights that my family-focused friends need but can't get without help of an "other," and I too gain glimpses of Truth from their married lives which can be gained no where else!

So I just wanted to say thanks, because there aren't many un-married Christians over the age of 23 (in the South) who feel content, or as valuable members of the Family. It's a two-way street. I make myself available; I involve myself in the women's biblestudy at church, even though there's no one else there my age. I try to be vulnerable and open and "authentic," instead of complaining that no one is being "real." I ask if we can get together, which often leads to doing life together, rather than sitting at home, growing bitter about never being asked. And I admit, these things may be easier for my personality, the last in particular, but there's responsibility on the part of single Christians and non-single Christians alike to foster holistic community, so let's keep on working on it together.

First Grade Sunday School

2009-01-05T20:49:00.004-06:00

Here's a funny story from my first week back on rotation with my favorite first graders:

The kids got out of Sing Time a bit early, so we're sitting around the table catching up. They seem just as happy to see me again as I am happy to be with them again, which is nice. As we're chatting, one of them pipes up: "Are you in college?"

"No, I've finished college."

"Oh, then you're married."

Grin. "No. I'm not married."

Now everyone is enticed by their own intrigue into the conversation. There are many guesses at my age, and someone asks, "Are you in high school?"

Chuckle. "No."

And again, "Are you in college?"

"Nope."

With my help, they finally guess my age with proud smiles and are now willing to believe I am indeed old enough to have finished college. The girl sitting next to me is catching up. "Wait, you're not married?"

"No."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No."

"HOW DO YOU LIVE!?" Eyes wide and arms stretched out toward the sky in desperation.

Now I can't help myself. That's the funniest thing I've heard in a week! With smiling eyes I laugh heartily as I look at her and reply, "I have lots of friends." I resign to also respond: "I have a job..." not wishing to further instill the idea that we're defined as who we are by what we do, but not knowing how else to assuage their confusion about my 'young--but out of college--but not married' status as a person, their being wholly unacquainted with any other such persons. And this does seem to satisfy them, even the wide-eyed girl whose flair for the dramatic completely made my morning. And my hope is, that she will continue to encounter more holistic examples and ideas of what it means to be a woman.

At any rate, that was just one of the hilarious moments of my Sunday morning. Another was the spontaneous dance party that erupted when the calm background music for the game we were playing suddenly became upbeat. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

President Elect

2009-01-04T02:31:00.008-06:00

This is my thought. Regardless of who you voted for, we have a new President Elect, poised and seemingly ready to take office in a few weeks, the highest office in the land. And this office and the person occupying it ought to have our unwavering respect. If the leader of our nation fails us with scandal or betrayal or incompetence, he or she has perhaps forfeit much of our respect, but there is a level of common decency that should never wane -- a human level if nothing else.

Regardless of who you voted for, January 20, 2009 is going to be a fine day. I'm amazed that anyone is able to deny the positives. I suppose it's less a matter of denial and more an issue weight. I suppose many of my readers believe President Elect Obama's liabilities outweigh his potential contributions. Well, either way, I believe it is crucial to our humanity, and thereby crucial to our Christianity to take moral high ground, to affirm the good, more than that, to look for it. Jesus said, "Seek and you shall find." And it is true. Seek the negative in a person or a situation and you will find it.

A challenge: Let's avoid the temptation to jump quickly upon each and every small opportunity to boast, "I told you so!" Let us not be people who delight only in pouncing upon the shortcomings of another so that we can proudly declare our right-ness, wearing our superiority like a badge of consolation. How petty. Let us rather be first to seek out the good and acclaim it, not to disregard or ignore negatives and shortcomings and wrongs and mistakes, but to keep balanced perspective.

My New Bike

2009-01-03T14:53:00.002-06:00

Today I took the brand new bike I got for Christmas out for a lovely spin. (This is the great thing about living in Texas; it's a sunny 78 degrees F. I think I even got a bit of a tan.) First I did some errands, using turn signals and everything. I rode my bike over to Walmart to buy a lock for my bike, then to a specialty shop to buy incense for my 1st Grade Sunday School class tomorrow. We're doing the story of the Wise Men, and I actually found a stick called Frankincense & Myrrh. Cool! The kids are going to be in such awe.

Then, I rode over to the city's bike trail, which is quite nice, and rode around for a while amid lots of other cyclists (and just plain cyclers, like my self), all of us with our cool helmets on. "On your left." I'd say, whizzing past dog-walkers, speed-walkers, runners, and regular walkers. The dog park was packed with Frisbee-toting twenty-somethings and sun hat-wearing older couples. Every park I rode past was filled with whole families: Moms chatting and Dads swinging their young ones to their hearts' delight.

There's no room to store my bike in the garage, so it stays in the dining room next to the kitchen table. I'm pretty sure I have the coolest mom of anyone -- she puts up with a lot. On my way here, I rode through neighborhoods that my brother and I rode our bikes through as kids. My memory was swarmed with images of all our neighborhood friends riding in a pack to the park or to nowhere, and I was thinking, "I don't remember it being this difficult." I'm typing this at the library right now, and am getting ready to ride home. I may have to sit on ice packs for the next few days, but it was definitely worth it on this splendid January afternoon.

Books We're Reading

2008-12-30T22:44:00.004-06:00

My friend John came to me with an idea I couldn't pass up. He and our friend Curtis also write book reviews, and John suggested we consolidate our reviews all in one place -- genius. So I'd like to introduce you to the newest authors of my blog, Books I'm Reading.

John Doherty has his bachelor's in Technical and Scientific Communication, with a concentration in Online Publications from James Madison University. John, did I get that right? John spent a summer at L'Abri, finished his degree and came back for two more terms, where he met Curtis and myself -- lucky guy. He travels a lot for his fast-paced job, so I'm glad his writing for this blog can provide him a tether to his love of intellectual pursuit. Curtis, John and I spent the three weeks in between terms together off the Coasta Brava in Spain with a few of our other friends from L'Abri. We paid our rent by doing some soft editing for the owner of the house, and had the time of our lives.

Curtis Piper, an alum of Oklahoma State, earned his bachelor's in Economics with a concentration in City Planning. He landed a job working for Oklahoma City, helping the city pay for the stuff they want to do. Pretty cool. Curtis and John and both Eagle Scouts, which makes them great to travel and live with because they both really are always prepared. Curtis, John and I share lots of common interests; we enjoy art, music, theology, philosophy, photography, hiking, climbing, learning, teaching... and books! And these interests share an anchor: a passion for Christ, the manifestation of his Kingdom on Earth and the soundness of all things upon his return -- even as we wrestle with what it all means.

But as you can see from our academic backgrounds (my BS is in Kineseology and my MA in Liberal Arts with an English concentration) we have pretty varied interests as well, and it is this -- what should we call it? -- related, but distinct *wink* quality that will add richness of perspective to the reviews you get to read. Plus, John and Curtis both read much faster than I do, so the frequency, as well as the depth and breadth, will be enhanced, so be sure to check out Books I'm Reading.

Exile

2008-11-30T14:30:00.004-06:00

What if Naturalism (by which I mean Darwinian Naturalism) is the tribe from the East sent to judge God's chosen people for years of unrepentant, oppressive absolutizing and power-mongering? Just as Assyria and Babylon were the inevitable consequences of Israel's disdainful rejection of the Lord, so too we Western Christians find ourselves being captured and led into exile.

Do you not find it to be so? Look about you and see. Religious thought is no longer acceptable in the public sphere. Religious claims to truth are no longer valid; science is Omni-Science. We are in exile. And keenly do we feel it. But more like a child crying 'unfair!' because our toy megaphone has been violently taken from us. Some of us sulk in the corner of the school yard; some of us cry to our Mothers. Most of us, or at least the most publicly visible, get mad, continuing to yell and scream madly, megaphone or no. This indeed sounds pity-able and unjust, until we realize we are the bully on the playground who is being suffered by the other children no longer.

We must recognize the cause for our being overthrown, captured, and discarded. We ought to consider the possiblity that our current exile is in part (the part that matters most) the chastisement of the Divine Hand. Certainly there are some who have done this, who are doing this, for the Lord in his mysterious faithfulness always provides a remnant. Would that you and I would be that remnant. We must repent to the Lord and change how we treat the world, not merely because we are being treated cruelly, but because we are pierced and stricken with the pain and remorse of our own acts of betrayal and hard-heartedness.

This is what I do

2008-11-18T18:53:00.004-06:00

I realize I haven't posted in months which is a bit shameful. Since my last post, I've begun working at Probe Ministries in Richardson (about a 10 minute drive from my house) as the Program Coordinator. Well, what is that? My job title is a bit vague because I have various responsibilities, but basically I am the go-between for our speakers and their hosts. For example, a youth pastor from Wisconsin calls wanting a speaker for a weekend conference she has scheduled in April. I ask her if the weekend has any particular focus, and she replies that the topic for the weekend is faith & sexuality. That gives me a few ideas of who might be best for the venue: Sue speaks about gender roles and homosexuality, and she is great with youth. So I shoot Sue an email to see if she is available for the date the youth pastor has scheduled. It goes back and forth a few times until all the puzzle pieces come together. Sue is available, so now I need to book her flight and hotel, car, etc.

I'm currently working on a project with Prestonwood Baptist, a local church that offers Wednesday night classes (somewhat like lay-seminary). The Probe speakers taught two 5-part series on apologetics over the term this fall and we're doing two more for the spring, so I've been sorting out those detials. I just finished writing the class synopses for Prestonwood's brochure. It's the second tiny writing assignment I've had in the 2 weeks I've been working, and of course, I really love that part of my job. So I thought I'd share; this is what I do:

Apologetics I: Engaging Your Neighbor
In a diverse and global society such as ours, it has never been so important for believers to engage the questions and criticisms our world has concerning our Christian faith with intelligent compassion (1 Peter 3:15). Join us for part one of this series on apologetics as we explore various topics such as Postmodernism, Darwinism, Kabbala, and Scientology.

Apologetics II: Engaging Your Culture
"Engaging Your Culture", the second part of our series on apologetics, aims to help prepare you to more fully engage in the conversations of our culture at large. What are these conversations? And how does a biblical view of the world shape our part of the dialogue as Christians? Join the discussion: Personhood & Bioethics, Homosexuality, What is Truth in a Media-centered Society? and Christian Environmentalism.

Presidential Debate #1

2008-09-28T18:34:00.007-05:00

For whatever it's worth, messages I got from watching the debate:

Either McCain is highly misinformed about what Obama is saying and voting for and against, or he his advisers think he's a better spindoctor than he is. How many times did Obama have to clarify, saying, "That's not true, John." or, "You and I both know..."? I remember thinking that surely Senator McCain knew the details he was leaving out when he was spinning out accusations; he's an intelligent man.

I disagree that Senator Obama got thoroughly hammered on foreign policy. He made good points about Iran and Afghanistan. McCain was certainly stronger in this area, but I don't think that was a surprise to anyone. When Senator Obama talks foreign policy, I sometimes, not always, but sometimes get the feeling that he's only parroting his advisers. And that's okay really, because one man can never be an expert on everything; in fact, keeping company with wise counsel is a mark of humility, which is a mark of maturity. However, Obama's had to correct himself so frequently in this department, I worry a bit about the expertise of those advising him.

McCain's joke about not being able to reach that far across the isle was great. He had a couple of those moments where he really hit Obama with quick, unanswered jabs. "So let me get this straight," says McCain when debating about meeting with controversial (to say the least) foreign leaders, "you sit down with Ahmadinejad, he says, 'We're going to blow Israel off the face of the earth,' and we say, 'No you're not?' oh please!" I think these moments gave McCain a legitimate advantage in this first of these presidential debates. However, to be fair, I don't agree with McCain that having a meeting with these guys on air necessarily legitimizes their message; that seems like false logic to me. The way I figure it, when the world is exposed to the abhorrent ideals of a madman, it isn't going to to say, "Uh, yeah, that sounds legit."

Obama uses lists and plans ("Look. I have a plan: number one,... number two,... number three,... number four,...") while McCain uses anecdotes and key words or labels ("When I was a straight-talking maverick working with General..." Or, "My friends, Senator Obama isn't just naive and inexperienced, he's dangerous; he just doesn't get it.")

I think the debate was heated and interesting. I think it was close and a true indicator of this race. I'm looking forward to the following debates.

Virtuous or Vicious?

2008-09-19T11:26:00.006-05:00

A former professor of mine made the following observation about speaking what we feel. I really appreciated the conversation that came out of it and felt that it speaks directly of the underlying hope for balance within the idea of SWWF:

Dr. Mitchell:
"You know there's a lot to be said for this idea, but I wonder when our right to speak what we feel violates the need of others not to hear these things from us. Any thoughts? Seriously, I don't always know where the line is."

My response:
"Agreed. We live in a ego-pampered, psychology-hyped culture, steeped in two generations that "talk about our feelings" and talk about everything; indeed, in (over)reaction against the generations before us who repressively talked too little, we talk too much. So again, I agree. A balance must be struck. Although 'struck' isn't quite right; it implies balance can be achieved, when in actuality, we are striving in constant tension. And balance ebbs and flows; it cannot be found in one spot. It is a chase, a dance. And this striving requires humility, thoughtfullness of the other. In this dance, we trip over our partner's feet and we trip over our own feet; we practice and we learn. With each new partner we must adjust our rhythm, learn new steps and relearn old ones. A pair dances as one, yet not at the cost of each individual's distinction."

Dr. Mitchell:
"I appreciate your dance metaphor and you're so right that we will trip each other up--in friendship, in marriage, in teaching and learning, and in community involvement. I was talking to two students today, and they suggest that they had begun to read poetry because it seemed (among other things) a path between dogmatism and relativism. I suspect that some poetry can model for us that mixture of openness and humble respect for the other. Of course, then, there's poetry that is the entire opposite of this--slam in your face and yo'motha's. . . "

An ellipses is the perfect way to 'end' this conversation; it embodies the ebb and flow of balance. Thank you Dr. Mitchell for your thoughts and your friendship.

Home

2008-09-04T04:18:00.006-05:00

I just spent the weekend visiting the church I went to during college, and, similarly to when I came back to my home church in Plano, I was greeted with big smiles and bigger hugs. Many didn't know I was coming to visit, or even that I was back, so it was a huge surprise to them and super fun for me. Most encouraging was that the number one thing I heard as people were welcoming me home was, "I thought about you so much while you were gone, wanting to talk to you and wishing you were here; so I've been praying for you a lot." This was from friends my age and more so from friends my parents' age-ish. It was the same thing my first Sunday back in Plano.

Eventhough I knew that to be the case while in Switzerland and frequently anchorered myself to the sure but dim knowledge of those prayers during good times and bad, I'm still awed by it now. I'm humbled by the big-ness of life that includes me but isn't centered on me, reminding me of life's connectedness. I'm connected to a bigger community amid larger happenings. Somehow, when the ceiling began to crack and it seemed as though the roof was caving in over my head, beneath the surface lay a foundation deep and strong. Life is happening beyond what I can see and feel and I am connected to it. I know this is no great revelation, but it is humbling and encouraging, refreshing, energizing, motivating. And I just wanted to give a shout out to these two churches.

I'm fortunate, I know, because at the end of the day, regardless of the doctrines I disagree with and the things that really get me fired up and even down right angry, no matter what arrogant and shallow-minded, young, 'We Know Everything' attitude reveals itself in something I say or do, despite all of those things, we know eachother. We love eachother, these churches and I; it's family and it's home. There are endearing quirks and irritating entrenchments. We fight it out and laugh it off; we overlook certain things and agree to disagree. And it's worth it. It's worth putting up with and it's nice to know I'm worth putting up with too.

It's nice to know that this relationship is two-sided. If you're church-hunting and if you want my advice, once you think you might have landed somewhere, invest. Invest in the generation before you as well as the one after you. Invest in men and women who posses a faith that is long-suffering, producing in them a character that is charitable. Putting effort into a good relationship yields character-building benefits. I am fortunate. Because it is two-sided and sometimes one (or both) of the sides is crap: straying from true religion (Jm 1:27, 1 Tim 5:4), we forget Christ and expect white roses to be red, or we simply skip the whole thing and pretend by putting in perfect rows of plastic tulips. At any rate, I just wanted to write about church from a positive perspective, from the garden that springs up out of the manure as God tills and waters and prunes, creating good for those who respond to his call with loving duty: tilling, watering, pruning (Rom 8:28).

New Moon Rising

2008-07-23T15:58:00.009-05:00

Change is on the horizon. I'm back at home in Plano, Texas trying to adjust to life back State-side. Just before logging on to write this, I glanced out the window and noticed the mailman pulling up to our mailbox. I rushed outside to receive the mail from him personally because I am that starved for human interaction. It's odd. Usually after travelling for so long I welcome a little alone time, but this was the first plane ride in a long time where the person next to me didn't want to talk my ear off -- the teenage girls from northern Ireland were more than happy to sleep and watch movies and listen to music, and only asked me twice on a 10-hour flight to be let out for the WC. At any rate, it's just me and Dad at the house right now, which I love! I miss Mom (she'll be in Mexico City for the next week or so), but having Dad all to myself for a while is nice. We had brunch together this morning at this great, hole-in-the-wall cafe near our house. As we were driving there, though we could have walked (so what if it's a humid 88 degrees at 11AM), I became a bit depressed by all the bland buildings and flat, cement-laden landscape.

I've decided to try and go the the park in our neighborhood on a regular if not daily basis to read and think and pray, to be alone and quiet in a relatively nice-looking environment. The less driving I do, the better, not only for gas prices and environmental well-being, but for daily recreation and exercise since I no longer have to walk up and down the mountain side to get anywhere. I checked the garage to see if we have any bicycles in the house, but we don't; so it's my rollerblades from college until I can try and find a family member or church friend who might lend me a bike they're not using.

I applied online for a job at the Allen public library today. I wonder how long it would take to ride a bike there (just the next town over), a good chunk of time I reckon. I've always thought working in a library would be something I'd enjoy, and I might be able to study for the GRE while I'm on the clock, because hunting for PHD programs is next on the list after jobs. Even if not, I'll already be at the library, so it'll be easy to stay there and study. I will probably also apply at the city rec center down the street for the water aerobics instructor. Notice how I'm going for these 'two-for-one' opportunities; working out for a living is a tough job, but someone's got to do it. I will also place adds in local papers and such for students in need of an English tutor. (PS. Can I just say that I hate resumes? I'm not sure what it is about them, just that they're so impersonal I suppose.)

Well, as I said, there's lots of change on the horizon as I take this time to re-orient and re-order my life a bit. And though it's good change, it's unnerving; it's unpredictable and uncertain; it's taking a risk and it's stepping towards my future in a more narrow way than ever before. So as a symbol of change and the uncertainty of night (by which I mean my path is less brightly illuminated), here are a few pics of the moon from my last few nights in the Swiss Alps.

Day of Prayer

2008-07-09T12:51:00.004-05:00

Each Monday at each L'Abri branch across the globe is set apart for prayer. Normally at Swiss L'Abri we take a few hours after breakfast: the workers rotate hosting the prayer morning, beginning our time together by reading a chapter or two from a book which sometimes concerns prayer, but not always. This reading is to encourage reflection and often shows up in my prayers later that afternoon. After the reading, we present our requests to one another and then pray for one another, for our families at home, for the needs of L'Abri, for the church, and for the world. Lunch discussions on Mondays often revolve around prayer: What is prayer; what does it consist of? Does it work? How do we pray? Why do we pray? Shouldn't we pray for more 'spiritual' matters than physical concerns? How does one's view of God's providence affect how we pray?

This past Monday we had a special day of prayer and fasting because our financial situation has been desperate all summer. We went through the morning almost as usual, then we cancelled all morning work crews, fasted lunch, and reconvened at quarter to four to close in prayer together. The morning went really well for me; it was eye-opening; it felt productive, though that word doesn't posses the right feeling because my prayer and study was more listening than doing, if that makes any sense. It was cool to intersperse prayer with study because what I was reading would sneak its way into my prayers, particularly into my confession. From what I could tell, the morning went this way for much of the community also.

L'Abri has, from the beginning, chosen this manner of dependence for her financial needs, and functions on a month-to-month basis. With the money that comes in, we pay our bills first, and then the workers' salaries, which means some months the staff take pay-cuts, some months they don't get paid at all. From what I gather, this summer has been one of those seasons of pay-cuts and wageless months. Our donations come almost entirely in US dollars, and as you all are no doubt well aware, the dollar isn't fairing too well and continues to decline. What that means for us is that when a donor gives the same dollar amount each month, let's say $50, the buying power of that $50 is weaker; the bill we once could pay in full with a favorable exchange rate, we can no longer pay in full, eventhough the gift is quite possibly a more strenuous sacrifice for the donor than it once was. Everything in Switzerland is expensive, and with 40-plus people constantly living in one community, energy bills are outrageous though we strive to be conscientious conservers. I say all this to say, when you think about me, think about L'Abri; when you pray for me, pray for L'Abri, on Mondays and any day.

Cold, Wet & Rainy

2008-06-10T14:20:00.005-05:00

Switzerland must have forgotten that it is summer. For weeks the weather has been drab. The sun only appears for brief moments before retreating again behind the clouds. At least today we can see the mountains. I was beginning to forget they were there. Nonetheless, there is something about the rain that is beautiful, something about the fog and the mist that's magical. The lack of sunshine has been opportune for reading and reflection and picture-taking.

Here's a few glimpses of the fairy-song of nature. I hope you can hear it.

New Title

2008-05-14T17:55:00.004-05:00

So I am unashamedly stealing this title from Frederick Buechner, who borrowed it for his book from Shakespeare's King Lear. Buechner's book is important to me. It has taught me about writing and about life.

I wish I had my copy with me because I have an excerpt in mind and I'll never be able to do it justice with a summary. Buechner's book is a literary criticism (though so packed full of life-insights, it's not what probably comes to mind when you hear the term 'literary criticism') that highlights four different writers of four different genres. He chooses a work from each that was written from "open veins"; in other words, written from the groping, questioning darkness of their souls. Buechner calls these four, "unexpected prophets who shine light into darkness," because this kind of writing -- the kind of writing that's birthed from an honest pursuit of truth and meaning in reality amid the pain and suffering of this fallen world -- this kind of writing (or art in general) produces light, hope, healing -- not only for the author, but for his readers too.

The weight of this sad time we must obey;
Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.

'Speak what we feel' isn't about an abandonment of propriety. That's the last thing I want. It's about having the freedom to feel "unchristian" emotions -- anger, fear, doubt, depression -- and to work through them in a constructive way. For my purposes in this blog, the phrase is not only about the freedom to weep with those who weep, but also the freedom to rejoice with those who rejoice. So, although part of the context from which my new title derives is heavy, the larger context includes weeping and rejoicing, fullness of life; the context is light.

Summer Schedule

2008-05-13T14:36:00.004-05:00

Monday: (Prayer Meeting); Cook lunch at Chesalet with Karryn; Clean Farel
Tuesday: Study; Edit; Internet collection/night office
Wednesday: Clean Bellevue; (Lecture); Study (Movie Night -- this is not my job; it's just when movies are shown.)
Thursday: Day off
Friday: Breakfast prep; (Lecture); Edit; Study
Saturday: Cook at Bellevue; Clean Farel

I'm excited about my schedule. I'd love to be outside more, but hey, can't be everywhere at once. And it's light outside until well after 8pm, so plenty of time for outdoor fun. I'm happy to be in Bellevue, because I didn't get to do any work crews in Bellevue last term. I totally plan on stealing all Val's fantastic lunches when cooking in Bellevue (the ones I have the guts to pull off). I'm not sure exactly when my tutorials with Jasie will be. I'm guessing Tuesday.

Espana

2008-05-10T13:40:00.004-05:00

Over the past 3 weeks, I've been chilln' off the Costa Brava in Northern Spain with a few friends from L'Abri. We were staying at the vacation home of a L'Abri alumni couple, and the way we earned our keep was by reading the owner's pulp fiction novels under the Spanish sun. Not too shabby. We were helping him out by providing small-scale editing and feedback; ie. these books are ready to be published; these need more work.

The pictures just to the left will give you an idea of the view from our balcony (the above pic is from the train station in Girona the first night we got there).

One of the best days of our trip was this all day hike to a monastery just a few mountain ridges over. We hacked our way through the brush and came out with a few cuts and bruises... it was amazing!

The monastery was beautiful, and the castle above it incredible. The last two pics at the bottom of this post are from that day. On
the way back we stumbled off the trail and happened upon one of the many bunkers from the last efforts of the resistance against Franco. We found three of them on our various adventures; it was amazing to be able to look out from the holes carved out for defending against the enemy and imagine what it must have been like to die fighting for country and freedom.

It was a wonderful opportunity and I'm thankful to our L'Abri friends for providing it. I enjoy the editing work, even at the pulp fiction level, and it was especially nice to have a bit of relaxed time to get to know some of the helpers with whom I'll be serving this term.

We are back at L'Abri now and are excited to begin a new term.
The summer term is always a bit hectic because fewer students stay for the entire term. More people are on holiday and can more readily afford to just pop in for a few days while traveling through Europe.

It's nice to see Thomas, Jasie, and Kay again; I missed them over
the break. I pray that this term will prove to be as helpful to me in my journey as the previous two and that I will gain some clarity about what is to come in the next leg of my life's adventure.

This Blog Needs A New Title

2008-05-10T06:07:00.005-05:00

"The journey is the destination"... it's just not true. Mostly thanks to Greg Laughery's blog post a while back, coupled with comments he's made during formal lunches and lectures here at L'Abri, I've changed my tune; I recant. What's the point of a journey with no destination; a destination that exists in some ways apart from the journey?

All that to say, I'm trying to come up with a new title for this blog. So, be on the lookout and don't be alarmed when the title is different. Just look for my picture on the right and take deep breaths: you're still at the right place.

Pictures

2008-04-03T00:33:00.010-05:00

Wow, I've been posting like crazy lately (I also finally updated my other blog, Books I'm Reading; check it out)... feast or famine I suppose. Enjoy!

From the train: Lake Geneve

Mountains anyone?

Next time, pictures with people in them, I promise; even a few of me. :D

Getting Real

2008-03-31T12:43:00.004-05:00

As some of you know, I've applied to stay on for next term. Just as before, writing my letter of application was a good processing exercise for me, and I want to share it with you. (I will find out next week if I am able to stay.)

___________________________________________________

In May and June of last summer my reasons for coming to L’Abri revolved around the values for which L’Abri stands, values such as integrated, holistic living: mind, body, and spirit journeying Homeward, that is, being more and more at home within one’s self, one’s community, even the whole of creation. I came here because I love learning: the growth, the discussion, the lightbulb moments of connection; and the environment in which our studies take place is idyllic, a shelter amid the Swiss Alps, a safe place to be and to become. It only took a few days for my purpose to shift slightly from merely intellectual to modestly personal: an intellectual and practical pursuit of the inner workings of my day-to-day Christian life. As it turns out, I needed to be here more than I realized. And the longer I am here, the more I am confronted by community, forced to deal with issues I had forgotten, issues I keep hidden beneath the surface of my soul. As Jasie encourages me to do more than merely talk about ontology and actually be myself – my whole self – I realize I am too much in the habit of ignoring things in my life that aren’t pretty to look at or nice to talk about; or at best, I gloss over them to candy-coat my memories, creating a sugar-coated story. And this is far from charity – it is neither charitable to me nor to those who love me.

So as I contemplate charity and what it means to live christianly praying, “Thy kingdom come,” I consider L’Abri: what it is and what it means to me. L’Abri is a safe place, though it is not safe for my pride nor the false images I’ve made of myself and presented to the world; it is not a safe place within which my insecurities can hide. For there are people here who have been living in community long enough to recognize a counterfeit self, and though my airbrushed self-portraits are of interest to the world, L’Abri, by which I mean the people who are L’Abri to me, is not interested. For the world sees people through utilitarian lenses, but the workers here, as well as some of the friends I’ve found, see through Love. Not perfectly, but even so, it is through our imperfections we learn forgiveness, grace, healing; we learn love. And this is what Christianity is about; this is what L’Abri is about: love as the demonstration of God’s actively redemptive existence in the world, namely the cross and resurrection of his Christ. This is what I want to be about. Or want to be better about. And L’Abri seems the best place to cultivate such charity (that is, learning to give of my whole self) for yet a little while longer. L’Abri is a safe place. Or rather, it is a trustworthy place. For within the hospitable charity which distinguishes L’Abri I am learning, however slowly, to entrust my needs and my insecurities to friends here, trusting that my real self will be nurtured – not kept safe from pain, but cared for – even as my graven images (images of self-god which replace with vulgarity the image-of-God-bearing self) are being pulled down. Christ claims to give abundant life and I desire to have the courage to live in that fullness with all its suffering and glory, because not to abide in the courage of Christ, to refuse to say ‘yes’ moment by moment (mundane as they often may be) to the call of a disciple, is to spit on the cross and scoff at the resurrection. I don’t want to be that kind of “Christian.” But I don’t have that kind of courage. Not without the courage of others, and even so I am feeble and fearful and want of freedom.

My interest in the possibility of a full-time position at Swiss L’Abri is also a factor in my desire to stay. In fact, it has been in my thoughts from the beginning; again, because I value so highly what takes place here. The work of pursuing Truth and providing Home is important to me and I enjoy being a part of it. I think about the possibility of remaining in the work for some extended period of time, and I don’t know if I can maintain the kind of life-in-flux that occurs here. I don’t know a lot of things. But that is yet another reality which L’Abri is helping me understand: that I don’t have to know how the next phase of my life, or even the next day is going to turn out. I hope that my presence within this community contributes to the work and the lives of people in positive, even unique ways. I hope to continue my work here, even if just for one more term, and to bring to maturity that which the Father has begun in me through you. How one attempts to say thank you for even such a beginning, well, I’m not sure it’s fully possible.

I Haven't Fallen Off the Mountain

2008-02-29T12:57:00.008-06:00

Hello all! That is, if anyone still checks this, because I know I haven't posted in a while. I'm on break now so I finally have a bit more time and mental energy to process. I've been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and how to live out of my whole self. Not that I think that I've been highly confused about my identity before now, but that I'm taking this time to go deeper. Jasie and I have been working through some things in hopes of tapping into my ability to communicate from my emotions. I think I have rather deep emotions, but I rarely talk about them, or more on point, I rarely talk to others from an emotional place. Not until I can talk about something rationally do I feel comfortable. Thinking as opposed to emoting comes much more naturally to me; it always will, and there are a lot of good things about that. But it's also safe. I don't have to be vulnerable, and that is what I am trying to develop.

Something else I've been thinking about as I try to understand what it means to be a person is (don't be too surprised) my perfectionistic tendencies. For example, I think that in order to say, "I'm a writer," I also have to be able to say, "I'm a good writer." However, I'm beginning to see that this just isn't true. I could replace the self-concept with lots of other things: sports, any job I have, teaching, sketching, even something like reading out loud.

I find that I'm good at something and I put pressure on myself to be good all the time. As if this one piece of bad writing means I'm not a good writer at all. And therefore not a writer at all. I'm terrified I'll write something awful and someone will read it and say, "This person considers herself a writer?" and I'll be exposed. Certainly I will be exposed, but as what? A normal human being who occasionally, if not frequently writes stuff that should only ever be used as kindling?

Or the cultural message of Professionalism whispers in my ear, " You're not a writer. You're not published." And I think, "What if I never am published? I've put all this energy into writing. This whole time I thought I was a writer; I guess not. I can't be; I'm not good enough. Or worse, I never found something I was passionate enough to write about -- I mean something that takes real dedication, beyond essays and blogs, articles and reviews... you know, a book." And if one day I do write a book, where does it stop? "Oh, that book was just a fluke." Or, "It was published but never sold many copies." I am a writer. And I'm allowed to be in process.

More Pics from Bern

2008-02-07T12:52:00.002-06:00

Einstein Museum

Old men playing giant chess at sunset. It doesn't get much better than this.

Fun twirly things.

PICTURES!!

2008-02-07T11:50:00.003-06:00

Party in our room! Yes, Jon is painting a gnome.

These are some pictures from Bern. Just a few hours by train to the German-speaking part of Switzerland. It's a great city.

Back in the Alps

2008-01-17T11:36:00.001-06:00

I’m enjoying my life at L’Abri as a helper. It’s different from last term, of course, but in many ways, life here is the same – a thing in which I find great comfort. I miss all the study time I had as a student. I am very grateful for the two study afternoons I get (usually helpers only get one, but there are seven of us which allows us one more), and I sometimes study on my own in the evenings, but it’s important to me that there is a balance of work and play in my life, so I aim to be disciplined in both parts. Many of the things I began last term I am continuing in this term. I’m still focusing on the spiritual disciplines: narrowing, defining, tinkering, practicing. I’m still working on exegesis: this time, Romans! I’m still developing the relationships that became so precious to me, still enjoying the pace of L’Abri life, still feasting on formal lunches and lectures, Scrabble and chess. The mountains are still INCREDABLE; I never cease to look about myself in wonder. It hasn’t gotten horribly cold yet, but you know, it isn’t warm either. Uncertainty about the extent of my season here continues to plague me, sometimes with doubt and fear, but on better days with a compulsion to rest in the Lord’s sweet kindness, grace, faithfulness, and love. And on the days of fear and doubt, when the Alps look to me cold and insurmountable, I have trusted friends both here and away walking alongside of me, listening, comforting, talking sense into me… Indeed it is true; all good gifts come from the Father.

A look at my week-to-week routine: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday mornings I get to work on editing Greg’s book on Revelation. I really enjoy this. Greg is always kind and treats Erin and I (who is editing with me) as valuable colleges as we meet together discussing various suggestions and comments each of us may have. Monday afternoons I work in Farel House (the chapel and library). It is a high-traffic area and needs quite a bit of attention, from cleaning the bathrooms and floors, to washing dishes, to reshelving books, watering plants, and sweeping the outside. Tuesday afternoon is a study period, during which Jasie and I meet for my tutorials, which are going well and continue to be an instrumental part of my time here. Wednesday afternoon I get to cook dinner at Malezes (on Wednesdays we split between two of the workers’ chalets, Malezes and Chesalet – think French thoughts to pronounce those names). Thursday is our day off. Friday morning I help make lunch again at Malezes and I have the afternoon to study – I just finished Providence & Prayer and am looking forward to diving into Romans. Saturday is my longest day: I get up early to help prepare for breakfast, then after breakfast I head down to Chesalet to help make lunch. Saturday afternoon is when it really gets long because I’m at Farel again, but Saturdays require more attention than Mondays because there is a lot to do to make it look pristine for chapel on Sunday. (Plus you know, it’s the end of the week and everyone is tired so people are sometimes less thoughtful about picking up after themselves than earlier in the week.) I always come in for dinner pretty wiped out, but it’s a good kind of exhaustion, the, ‘I feel really good about all I’ve accomplished’ kind. Hopefully that sense lasts. Finally after dinner I’m on night office, which means I’m responsible for answering the phone and greeting new-comers, helping them to their rooms, etc. (I will probably switch my night office from Saturday to Friday, but that’s not official yet.) Sunday is chapel and I’m responsible for preparing and serving tea and coffee. I get to chapel early and set up, then I do a quick sweep to make sure things look nice, and after the service I serve tea and coffee for a while. It’s a fun job because I get to meet the people who come from town.

As you can see, it’s a lot of work. But I’m settling into my role with relative ease and am enjoying it. If I didn’t mention something you’re wondering about, leave a comment and tell me what you’d like to know and I’ll be happy to oblige.

People You Should Know

2007-12-27T01:03:00.005-06:00

These are some of the people at L'Abri with whom I will be working next term. They are all really wonderful and I'm excited about developing the relationships that began last term as well as starting new ones.

My good friend Valerie, whom you know from a previous post as the master of cream of spinach soup. She and Erin and I will be roommates. Val is super smart and super fun. She challenges me and keeps me in line; she encourages me and comforts me. I enjoy her friendship very much.

This is Jon, or "Jon-boy" as we [Kay] sometimes call[s] him. We have lots of fun together, especially reading, knitting, and watching Firefly with Jasie. (They knit; I read.) Jon and Val and I are partners in crime, ensuring that there's always a healthy amount of mischief about. :) I appreciate Jon in many ways, one of which being his work ethic and his unique ability to serve.

Rhett was on the same bus (and probably train come to think of it) I was on to L'Abri on day one. I remember seeing him and one other person my age and thinking, 'I bet they're both going to L'Abri too -- and sure enough. Rhett and Val and I often play chess and Scrabble together. He is fun to hang out with and talk to; he's pretty darn smart; everyone enjoys his sense of humor and his perspective on things.

Erin will be doing some editing with me as we work to prepare Greg's books for the publisher. She's super fun and very sweet and encouraging. I'm looking forward to rooming with her.

Tim, aka: Timmy Freedom (note the bandanna), is also strutting his stuff at the Really Ridiculously Good-Looking Walk-Off. Tim was a helper last term (with Val): the king of grounds crews and baked goods. (Several women proposed marriage in response to his chocolate desserts.) Tim is accepting of everyone -- really, everyone -- a quality for which I admire him.

This is John. I hope he doesn't mind my stealing this picture from his facebook. :) John was a student during a term prior to my term last fall and is returning this upcoming term as a helper. The workers are excited about him coming back, and word on the street is John is a wiz at media related work and will be doing some of that for L'Abri. I look forward to meeting him in person.

Last but not least and from left to right: Thomas, Jasie, and Kay. These brave souls work and live in Bellevue with the students. They're full-time staff at L'Abri, which means they work like crazy for little pay. Each of them cooks dinner at least once a week. Thomas and Jasie facilitate formal lunch discussions, give lectures, and have weekly tutorials with students. Jasie, as you know is my tutor and friend; I could go on and on about her. I could go on and on about each of them. Kay takes care of us all like Mom away from home. And Thomas is really passionate about, well lots of things -- he's very smart and has studied (and continues to study) much philosophy and theology and is able to relate those ideas well to students during lunches and lectures.
Now you'll know who I'm talking about in stories to come. I'll be there in 6 days, hooray!

Real Adults Send Christmas Cards

2007-12-25T19:58:00.001-06:00

Maybe someday I'll get around to that. But until then, merry Christmas from me to anyone who is reading my blog on this chilly, but not too cold Texas night!

I have to confess. Christmas is not my favorite holiday. And it isn't even the materialism, commercialism, blah, blah, blah that bothers me. Odd, right? I know. I have a difficult time -- I'm holding my breath even typing this; like, 'Can I really say what I'm about to say, knowing how absurd it sounds?' -- understanding the point. Yikes. There it is for the whole world to read!

Admitting this causes me to think, 'What is the point?' And thinking about it, I realize I'm simply searching for some ground in between the hullabaloo and the reactionary "Jesus is the reason for the season". I do understand why Christmas is a big deal and why it is worth getting excited, even super-excited about, but I lose sight of it. Or probably more on point, I just haven't really allowed myself to ask the question, and therefore haven't thought through it for myself. I think I've been a little ashamed for feeling dissatisfied with the quick and easy "Jesus answers", so I pushed that dissatisfaction aside and tried not to think about it too much. I could do that in part because I don't like big celebrations... they're not my style. I think that, in part, for this is also the reason Easter has always been my favorite holiday, but that's another blog for another day. I know what you're thinking, 'How can someone who understands Easter not understand Christmas?' When it comes to Christmas, I'm a little desensitized to both sides: both the redundant commercialism and the pat, redundant church talk. That is mostly my fault for not thinking through all this stuff for myself.

So here we go: Why is Christmas meaningful to me personally? It has always been important because of family. I enjoy slowing down to just hang out with people I love. But that's not enough because I know that's not what Christmas is primarily about. I was just with all my family, chilling and playing games and eating, during Thanksgiving, and nothing feels missing when I enjoy Thanksgiving because of spending time with those for whom I'm thankful. But something is missing when Christmas is only about human relationships. Not to say that God has nothing to do with Thanksgiving or that Christmas has nothing to do with family... I think you understand.

What helps me understand Christmas most is the spirit of advent, which is, of course, a big part of what I love about Easter. When I think of the months, years (?) of labor, discipline and scholarship of the Wise Men and the years of discipline of prayer and study of Simeon and Anna, that's exciting. When I think of the Old Testament customs and prophecies being fulfilled, that's exciting. It's motivating and challenging to think of the ministry of Christ on earth and what it means to live as a disciple of his teachings of the Kingdom.

So I think the conclusion I'm coming to as I'm writing this is that Christmas is less about Christ being born to atone for our sin (otherwise, let's just skip it and go straight to Easter), and more about the simultaneous culmination and beginning of God's massive redemptive character and action and all that entails with Christ ushering in the Kingdom ("a time is coming and has now come...") and calling his followers to do the same, to continue praying "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" by being ministers of his reconciliation.

There are other, unrelated reasons why Christmas is slightly difficult, but I think sorting through the theological issues will help a lot with the interpersonal struggles connected to the holidays. So heartily I say agian, merry Christmas. Thank you for allowing me to journey through thoughts about Christmas; I look forward to continuing to journey with you through the new year.

Check It Out

2007-12-20T01:05:00.001-06:00

I've created a new blog about the books I'm studying while at L'Abri. I'm trying to write mini reviews or at least a few thoughts about each book. I've got a link to it just to the right. So click on Books I'm Reading and check it out. :D

I hope to be able to keep this up while at L'Abri this upcoming term. New Year's resolutions... we'll see.

Coming to a Close

2007-11-29T15:35:00.001-06:00

Well, the term is ending in less than a week and I’m sad to be leaving. But, good news, I am coming back! I’ve been accepted as a helper, and as a bonus all my friends who applied to be helpers are also returning. Next term there will be an unprecedented seven helpers. Normally L’Abri hires four, but everyone who applied is basically wonderful and the workers are excited about getting to keep each of us on. I am looking forward to working alongside such great people. In fact, as a whole, I’m looking forward to next term, though I must admit, it feels a little surreal though I’m not sure why. I am also looking forward to coming home, being with family and friends, and going to church. Besides people, church is the thing I miss most while here at L’Abri. It will be more difficult next term than this one, because while four months is a long time to be missing church, eight months is longer (naturally) – you see, the once or twice I’ll get to go to church before returning to Switzerland is just going to be a tease. Of course you know we have chapel every Sunday, which I enjoy, but it isn’t the same. I miss singing, I miss age diversity and I miss baptisms and communion and oddly, I miss the messiness, the strange quirks and follies that make church home. Boy howdy, am I ready for some good old-fashioned church when I get home.

Jasie and I are still having wonderful tutorials, right down to the very end of it! This past week we discussed ways in which we desire to be more kingdom-minded and less self-absorbed, more countercultural and less socially permeated. We also talked about good getting in the way of best and the difficulties of walking the line between under achieving at too little a cost or because of fear and over achieving at too great a cost (namely relational), between selling oneself short and obsessing. No, we didn’t figure it out in the hour during my tutorial, but we are dedicated to seeing each other grow in Christ our Lord and I am blessed beyond measure by her guidance and her friendship as I am by many of you who are taking time to read these blogs week to week, who have been and continue to be so instrumental in my development as a disciple. The lovingkindness of the Lord and his bewildering blessings truly are endless.

Snow!

2007-11-13T12:27:00.001-06:00

We had our first snow of the season this past weekend. There were snowball fights galore, a few snowpersons, snow angels, sledding… You know, all the usual snow activities. It’s supposed to be an especially cold winter this year, so it’s a good thing this Texas girl has a special affinity for coats and hats and scarves! So far I’ve been plenty warm.

With only a few weeks left in the term, I’m getting excited to see my family and friends back home. My cousin has a new baby I’m excited to meet. All the food here has be absolutely wonderful… not a single meal I don’t like. But I am looking forward to a nice big juicy stake when I get home; we don’t get meat here very often. I am sad to think that the term is close to its end but won’t be sad to leave unless I’m unable to return next term. I’ve made some precious friendships here, which some of you know is an answer to prayer, for I was nervous before I left about the loneliness that could have been.

Currently I’m finishing a book called, Slaves, Women, & Homosexuals: Exploring the Hermeneutics of Cultural Analysis by William Web and will soon be starting, Providence & Prayer: How Does God Work in the World? by Terrance Tiessen. They’re both rather heady and I’m enjoying them, but don’t think I have the mental energy to write about it yet. But I wanted you to know that I was still reading things in the realms of prayer and Bible study. I also started 2 Peter and am enjoying that too. You should also know that everyone here says the same thing you all did about the origin of evil: that not choosing Good is choosing evil by default, that it didn’t exist until first the angels, then we chose self over God.

Now & Later

2007-11-07T13:04:00.002-06:00

This past week I spent much of my free time writing a letter to the L’Abri workers (full-time staff) about the possibility of my staying on next term as a helper. If I am accepted, I will stay for free, have one afternoon a week to study and work crews and work projects the rest of the week.

I want to share my letter with you, for it was a great exercise for me personally insomuch as it gave me insight into what is happening here now that I desire to continue for another term.

Enjoy.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Friends,

Life at L’Abri has become a thing most precious to me. I enjoy being a part of this community and would like to deepen my involvement, returning next term as a helper. It is satisfying to contribute to the daily livelihood of a community, to know that people are eating because of the bread I made or that the grounds are lovely because of the leaves I raked. But it is much more than this. We share the work and engage in each other’s lives as we labor alongside one another: people are enjoying the meal we made; L’Abri is beautiful because of the work we’ve done collectively. There is a love-induced pride in the work and the fellowship.

I believe in the work of L’Abri and desire to support and contribute to this place that provides a safe haven for people to discuss issues that in other Christian contexts are considered unmentionable, a shelter from the totalizing violence of various Christian subcultures and culture at large, and an alternative to western individualism within the joys and challenges of constant community. My benefit from this is twofold in that I am free to exist in the vulnerable-secure dichotomy of honesty, which in turn frees me to provide a sense of home for others. Already this term my fellow students honor me with regard as a leader and a shepherd, someone they trust, and I hope they also feel encouraged by my love for the work and the diligence and strong work ethic that derives from that love.

I would also like to continue my studies. I have so many varied interests and L’Abri is a great venue for entertaining a myriad of interests through formal lunches and study and tutorials. I really value my tutorial time and desire to continue working with Jasie through my issues and the spiritual disciplines and the current issues of the Christian subculture. I love the church. It hurts me to see it hurting so and I feel overwhelmed when I try to think about what to do. I view my time here as an opportunity to remove myself from the situation so as to see more clearly what’s happening now, where things are going, and what to do. My time here also serves as a stint of consideration for the next step in my personal life. The slower pace of life at L’Abri blesses me in many ways, significantly in the time it affords me to grow in my communal role of neighbor and friend and my individual role of person.

I understand being a helper is difficult. I don’t pretend that it will always be easy regardless of my experience. On the contrary, it is because of my experience that I know it is difficult at times. So I do not wish to communicate naive expectations, but I do earnestly enjoy being at L’Abri and desire to stay and more deeply develop what has begun – both in my personal life as well as in the relationships I have come to cherish.

Thank you for your encouragement throughout this process and throughout my journey as a whole.

Renea

Helicopter Seeds

2007-10-30T16:12:00.001-05:00

I’m having a week where I’m feeling the pressure of not knowing what I want to do with my life (which I think is a feeling that may never really go away… it just keeps manifesting itself in different ways throughout life, so I’m getting used to it – “the journey is the destination,” blah, blah, blah…). As a result, I’ve also been stressing about silly decisions like what to write for this week’s blog. During yesterday’s prayer meeting, Jasie read from Foster’s Celebration of Discipline, in which he suggests the discipline of silence is useful in soul-searching/goal-setting. Valerie mentioned giving it a whirl briefly at dinner tonight and that got me thinking about it too.

Another blog dilemma I’ve been experiencing over the past few weeks is that the things I’m thinking about here are often so mentally taxing (which is good and I’m enjoying it) that I don’t have the energy to write, and I feel disappointed about that. But tonight, I’m taking the pressure off of myself to write a profound, thought-provoking blog and instead I want to write about one of my little delights here at L’Abri: helicopter seeds.

I have always had a special affinity for helicopter seeds. I still pick them up when I see them on the road just to watch them spin gracefully to the ground. I found one today as I was reading outside the Chapel, which is a special treat because I got to watch it spin down all the way from the second-story balcony. As I leaned over the rail and let the seed fall, I noticed that these helicopter seeds (I’m sure they have a real name…) always freefall first before the helicopter motion kicks in, which, as long as the blade is sound, it always does. It always does because that’s the way it is designed.

Thanks for journeying with me on this blogging saga. Tune in next Tuesday for more L’Abri fun so you all can live vicariously through me as I tromp through the fall leaves and play with helicopter seeds.

Ode To Death Hill

2007-10-16T06:00:00.002-05:00

There is a very steep climb up the mountain behind where we live which we all affectionately call Death Hill. On Sunday evenings we often have an activity after dinner, and recently we had a talent show at which I gave this poem in loving dedication to the hill we hate.

"Ode To Death Hill"

Jill and Jack set out in black
Death Hill for to conquer.
Jill looked round, espied the mound
and felt her poor heart falter.

CHORUS:
Yet sublime they both did climb
and set their minds and faces
up the hill for death to kill
and wine to buy in cases!

Through the shade their path was laid;
the scene was bleak and dreary.
Rocks and roots beneath their boots
made Jill and Jack quite weary.

CHORUS

Before the top they both did stop,
to catch their breath and ponder;
to try to cope and not lose hope,
to keep the path, not wander.

CHORUS

To 'yond bend their hopes they pinned
that round it might come relief.
But steeper still rose the hill
and mocked their hearts belief.

CHORUS

Alas the light, clear and bright
their weak eyes and hearts received.
Jill and Jack threw off their black
and in life through death believed!

For sublime they both did climb
and set their minds and faces
up the hill for death to kill
and wine to buy in cases!

Prayer

2007-10-03T14:13:00.002-05:00

Lest anyone think I’ve taken a permanent break from thinking (because rereading last week’s blog, I realize how absolute my statement sounded), let it be known that I’ve been reading my “entertaining books” on sex and The Simpsons along side of, that is to say, at the same time as a few commentaries on I Peter and Lewis’s Letters to Malcom. And, you’ll also be relieved to know, both of my “break books” are rather thought provoking; there just isn’t as much mind stretching involved, not as many new thoughts. I just finished Real Sex by Lauren Winner and I recommend it to marrieds and singles alike. Winner is engaging and realistic. She does an excellent job of confronting the lies about sex that bombard us both from our Christian subculture and our western culture at large, as well as developing some constructive ways of viewing and practicing chastity within the biblical contexts of Scripture and Church. Some of her most fun thoughts are about working against our cultural bent of extreme individualism where “my sex is none of your business” arguing that “sex is communal rather than private, personal rather than public.” Chew on that for a bit!

Every week Jasie asks, “So, have you thought any more about prayer?” And I reach back into the corners of my mind and reply vaguely with generalities like, “Yeah, it’s been going well…” or with specific happenings such as, “Well, yesterday this and this and this happened.” which is all fine, but not quite the response I want to give. So this past week, I’ve been making a list and today I was able to answer the question before she even asked. Currently number one on my list of thoughts about prayer is: I feel the Holy Spirit prompting me to pray when I would normally read or listen to music or hang out and I want to be obedient. (Actually, I want to read or listen to music or hang out; I want to ask the Lord for a rain check. This is why prayer is a discipline. And I really do want the relational fruits of discipline.) Number two: I’m working out a broader perspective on what prayer is. Sometimes I study I Peter in prayer and sometimes I don’t. What do I mean by that? I don’t mean that when I remember to pray, “Holy Spirit, illuminate Thy Word” before opening my Bible that I am studying in prayer and when I forget I’m not. To be sure, that kind of prayer is important and good, but it certainly isn’t prescriptive. It isn’t a guarantee that my study will be productive, effective, or prayerful. So what do I mean? Well, I’m not entirely sure. At some level I think I mean simply acknowledging God; he is there and it is wrong to ignore him. There is nothing “spiritual” in doing this, not the way we sometimes think of spirituality at any rate. It doesn’t make doing dishes didactic; doing dishes can be didactic, as can anything, but that’s not what makes the act spiritual or worshipful. So when I get the inkling to read, listen to music, hang out, and the Sanctifying Spirit prompts me to pray, I need to put down my book, turn off my music, excuse myself from the room. But other times when I get an itch for the things I love, I should do them with the knowledge that God designed me specifically with those desires and he loves to see me enjoy myself; he loves to be with me as I enjoy myself; he loves providing opportunities for me to do the things I enjoy. I do the same for those I love. Sometimes I don’t receive recognition for it, but I’m not being ignored either… I’m in relationship.

Sex & TV

2007-09-23T16:48:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading Who’s Afraid of Postmodernism? The last chapter I had to read twice, and though I’m feeling better about it, I’m still sorting through some new stretches in my way of thinking, primarily, my own postmodern dilemma with my very modern, Cartesian equation of knowledge with certainty. That is to say, modern rationalism equates knowledge with certainty – Prove it! is the motto – and postmodernity has seen the crumbling of much of what we once thought certain, thereby deducing (rightly, I think, of course I can’t be certain) that certainty is unattainable, and therefore, knowledge is unattainable. The irony is that to deduce that knowledge is unattainable, that we can’t know anything, simply because we’ve had the chair of certainty pulled out from under us, is to still hold to a modern epistemology. It isn’t postmodern at all. It’s simply the natural (rational) conclusion of modernism, which is why I like Middleton and Walsh’s term for our current cultural climate, “hypermodernism.” Smith (Who’s Afraid) agrees with this assessment and urges us to become truly postmodern, to abandon “what is worst about modernism,” namely modern epistemology.

All the stretching of my mind was taxing, so today I decided I needed a break from the types of things I’ve been reading of late. (I’m also reading C.S. Lewis’s Letters To Malcom, which are reflections on prayer. It is not easy.) I could think of no better distractions from theology and philosophy than sex and TV, so I picked up a book called, Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity and another one called, The Gospel According to the Simpsons. Both are a nice change of pace.

Food For Thought

2007-09-18T13:48:00.001-05:00

The following is an excerpt from James K. A. Smith’s, Who’s Afraid of Postmodernism? I’d love to hear your thoughts as you read Smith’s introduction to his vision for the postmodern church.

Apologetics and Witness in a Postmodern World

[C]lassical apologetics operates with a very modern notion of reason; “presuppositional” apologetics, on the other hand, is postmodern (and Augustinian!) insofar as it recognizes the role of presuppositions in both what counts as truth and what is recognized as true. For this reason, postmodernism can be a catalyst for the church to reclaim its faith not as a system of truth dictated by a neutral reason but rather as a story that requires “eyes to see and ears to hear.” The primary responsibility of the church as witness, then, is not demonstration but rather proclamation – the kerygmatic vocation of proclaiming the Word made flesh rather than the thin realities of theism that a supposedly neutral reason yields.
To put it another way, unless our apologetic proclamation begins from revelation, we have conceded the game to modernity. On this score, I side with an even earlier Parisian philosopher and proto-postmodernist, Blaise Pascal, who adamantly protested that the God revealed in the incarnation and the Scriptures – the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jesus Christ – is to be distinguished from the (modern) god of philosophical theism. But even more importantly, this new apologetic – which is, in fact, ancient – is one that is proclaimed by a community’s way of life.21 As Peter Leithart has remarked, “The first and chief defense of the gospel, the first ‘letter of commendation’ not only for Paul but for Jesus, is not an argument but the life of the church conformed to Christ by the Spirit in service and suffering.”22 The church doesn’t have an apologetic; it is and apologetic.

From Modern Christianity to a Postmodern Church

If I am opposed to the epistemology, or theory of knowledge, that plagues modern Christianity, then I am also opposed to the ecclesiology (or lack thereof) that accompanies this modernist version of faith. Within the matrix of a modern Christianity, the base “ingredient” is the individual; the church, then, is simply a collection of individuals. Conceiving of Christian faith as a private affair between the individual and God – a matter of my asking Jesus to “come into my heart” – modern evangelicalism finds it hard to articulate just how or why the church has any role to play other than providing a place to fellowship with other individuals who have a private relationship with God. With this model in place, what matters is Christianity as a system of truth or ideas, not the church as a living community embodying its head. Modern Christianity tends to think of the church either as a place where individuals come to find answers to their questions or as one more stop where individuals can try to satisfy their consumerist desires. As such, Christianity becomes intellectualized rather than incarnate, commodified rather than the site of genuine community.
In discussing Christian faith emerging from modernity to postmodernity, however, I rarely speak of Christianity, and I resist talking about Christians as individuals; rather, I tend to speak of the church – indeed, with a capital C. I want to advocate a shift from modern Christianity to a postmodern church, one akin to the paradigm shift experienced by Neo [in The Matrix]. My point here is confessional: as attested in the Apostles’ Creed, I believe in the holy catholic church, and I believe that the very notion of the holy catholic church undoes the modern individualism that plagues contemporary evangelicalism.23 Indeed, we would do well to recover a much-maligned formula: “There is no salvation outside the church.” This doesn’t mean that a particular ecclesial body is the dispenser of grace or the arbiter of salvation; rather, there simply is no Christianity apart from the body of Christ, which is the church. The body is the New Testament’s organic model of community that counters the modernist emphasis on the individual.
The church does not exist for me; my salvation is not primarily a matter of intellectual mastery or emotional satisfaction. The church is the site where God renews and transforms us – a place where the practices of being the body of Christ form us into the image of the Son. What I, a sinner saved by grace, need is not so much answers as reformation of my will and heart. What I describe as the practices of the church include the traditional sacramental24 practices of baptism and Eucharist but also the practices of Christian marriage and child-rearing, even the simple but radical practices of friendship and being called to get along with those one doesn’t like! The church, for instance, is a place to learn patience by practice. The fruit of the Spirit emerges in our lives from the seeds planted by the practices of being the Spirit, it becomes a witness to a postmodern world (John 17). Nothing is more countercultural than a community serving the Suffering Servant in a world devoted to consumption and violence. But the church will have this countercultural, prophetic witness only when it jettisons its own modernity; in that respect postmodernism can be another catalyst for the church to be the church.

21. For further discussion of this new apologetic (following Robert Webber), see James K. A. Smith, Introducing Radical Orthodoxy: Mapping a Post-secular Theology (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2004), 179-82.
22. Peter J. Leithart, Against Christianity (Moscow, ID: Canon, 2003), 99.
23. I remain concerned that, despite all of the talk about community in the emerging church, we have not yet explored the radical implications of it. the next task for the emerging church is to articulate an ecclesiology.
24. Here we do well to return to the rich, sacramental theology of John Calvin as opposed to the thin, Zwinglian theologies that seem to have won the day in Reformed evangelical circles.

"Intrusive Spiritual Discipline"

2007-09-11T14:05:00.001-05:00

Hello again. Cheers for your comments and emails (I’m trying to be cool like my roommate from New Zealand: “cheers!”); I can’t tell you how much I enjoy them. Earlier I said I wanted spiritual discipline in my life that was “intrusive.” The first step Jasie and I have taken towards that adjective is inductive Bible study. This is not new to me, but it is helpful to be doing it with someone else. Working on a book of the Bible with another person helps me get out of my psycho all-or-nothing mentality: because I don’t expect Jasie to be perfect, it’s much less of a temptation to be so hard on myself. (Wow! Next week I promise not to write about my perfectionism. My other flaws are feeling left out.) One aspect of our study that is new to me is that Jasie and I are beginning by writing I Peter BY HAND. Yeah, that’s right; we’re writing it all out by hand… no computers, no photocopies, mere pen and parchment. In my previous experience I found inductive study easiest when the text was typed out like a normal letter (without chapters, verses, or headings) only double-spaced because then there’s plenty of room to circle words, draw symbols, and make arrows. However, I like writing things out by hand because it incorporates more of my senses and I learn it better thereby. Usually I mumble phrases under my breath before I write them, so I’m getting all my senses in but smell. J I chose I Peter for a change of pace because Jasie has done several of the Pauline epistles already. I shied away from Romans because it’s longer than most of the other epistles and a little bit more difficult too, though some of you know how obsessed with it I am sometimes, so who knows how long I’ll let it haunt me before I buck up and tackle it.

I want to give you a little more insight to my weekly schedule: Monday mornings we have a prayer meeting at 8:45 where we are able to pray for one another and for L’Abri. This is done on Mondays at each of the L’Abri satellites all over the world. Wednesday and Friday mornings we have lectures from the staff; so far, there’s a series on “Science and Theology,” “Re-narrating the Imagination,” and “Art (Film) and Theology.” Wednesday night is movie night. It costs two francs and usually the film is something I haven’t seen and is pretty interesting. Thursday is our day off. We have breakfast at nine, a packed lunch, and dinner at seven (all optional, but I always take advantage of each!). I usually go hiking, but this past Thursday I took a little day trip by myself to Sion, a small village in the valley about an hour and a half from here. It was lovely! Sunday we have breakfast at nine and chapel at eleven. Chapel is nice. It’s usually simple exegesis, which of course I love. Sometimes we’ll sing a hymn or two, but usually, it’s just an hour or so of exegesis – a whole hour! Every other week we look at II Corinthians and every other week at Luke. After chapel, we have the afternoon off (and a packed lunch available to us), and I usually… hike. But this weekend was the wine festival, which was tons of fun. I have some great pics of the vineyards we got to walk through, and one fine day (./’./’), I’ll have a chance to upload them for you to see! Sunday after dinner we usually, but not always, do some activity together. This past Sunday was the annual talent show. I wrote a poem about a hike we affectionately call “Death Hill.” It was well received; people seemed to like it and I had fun writing/reading it. (Again, when I’ve a chance to get pics on the web, I’ll post the poem with some photos of one of our hikes up Death Hill.)

And finally, I wanted to keep you all updated on the books I’m reading:
Who’s Afraid of Postmodernity? Taking Derrida, Lyotard, and Foucault to Church – James K. A. Smith
Eat This Book: The Art of Spiritual Reading – Eugene Peterson
The Benefit of Christ – Juan de Valdes & Don Benedetto

And for fun:
Watership Down – Richard Adams
Books I’ve just finished:
Faith’s Freedom – Luke T. Johnson
Living the Resurrection – Eugene Peterson (finished this one)

That’s the list so far, so get busy reading and try to keep up! ;)

Confronted by Community

2007-09-04T13:11:00.001-05:00

Welcome to L’Abri. The floors squeak and the walls are thin. Opening a window is loud. Opening a door is loud. Closing doors and windows is loud. Everything is loud. No action is quiet or discrete or private. If you choose to live here, you have chosen to live in community; there’s no getting around it. “No man is an island.” You may be able to choose at times how much you wish to be immersed (for example, most of the people in the house have gone out for the evening and I am taking advantage of the silence to write out these thoughts), but even so, every action I choose to make affects another and likewise I too am constantly affected by the actions and choices of others.

I was studying yesterday afternoon (we all study in/near the library during the day) and got up to close the window. It creaked and banged. It was loud. The guy sitting next to me was giving me a hard time: ‘Shhh! I’m trying to study.’ I smiled and said, ‘There’s no such thing as being discrete at L’Abri. You’re forced to be in community.’ ‘You’re forced to be honest,’ he replied. As I sat down I thought for a moment and whispered, ‘Same thing.’

I just finished reading a book by Luke Johnson called, Faith’s Freedom, which honestly wasn’t that great; however, he does make some great points about the role of community in the exercising of our faith. He speaks of God as “Other,” the Transcendent One who is other than every created thing. Other people are also “other” and God uses the otherness of both people and himself to invade our lives, causing us to step out of ourselves and our projects/plans/goals and make room for others’ projects/plans/goals. Johnson writes, “… Other breaks the plane of everyday life, shatters the veneer of predictability, and challenges the presumption of human control” (53).

I’ve been confronted by community before and I was forced to learn things about myself and about life, but this time I think I’m ready to be a bit more intentional about how I live my life within the context of community – a bit less scared to be honest, imperfect, ontological, a bit less scared to be. I’m practicing apologizing. I’m working on being OK with learning by trial and error. (How else do you learn? I know…) That is to say, realizing how silly it is to think I ought to be able to do things I’ve never done before perfectly – working so much in the kitchen is helping me here. Cooking is also helping me to expand my creativity, learning to take creative risks and make mistakes.

Believe it or not, I have made (so far) chocolate-chunk cookies, homemade bread (oven-baked, no bread-maker), and cream spinach soup, all from scratch, and people not only ate them, they liked them! Actually, I was only supposed to be stirring the soup when the person who was really creating it said to me, ‘Have a taste and see what needs to be added.’ As I looked over at her with uncertain eyes that said, ‘You obviously don’t know how little exposure to the creative side of cooking I have,’ I replied, ‘I’m pretty good at stirring, but I’d better leave the taste-testing to you.’ She looked right back at me, smiling and completely un-phased by my self-doubt and said, ‘Nope. You’re in charge of the soup right now.’ I just continued looking at her. Not missing a beat, she almost sings, ‘You can do it; just play with it.’ I thought to myself, ‘She’s calling me out of my perfectionistic, non-risk-taking self and into risk and creativity, ontology and play.’ Well, there’s just no arguing with such a call and I wasn’t about to refuse it, so I took the spoon from her hand, took a deep breath, and tasted the soup to, ‘see what needs to be added,’ as if I could even tell the difference between the spices on the counter. Nonetheless, I carefully lifted each spice to my nose and after having another taste decided to add more nutmeg. I stirred in the reddish powder and took another taste – delicious! How ‘bout that.

This experience with the soup reminded me of a discussion we had earlier in the week during lecture. We all had read the first chapter of A Disciplined Heart by Caroline J. Simon. The book pursues the ideas and connections between love, destiny and imagination. The first chapter sets everything up by providing definitions for the language Simon uses for the rest of her book; about love and imagination she writes:

In order to explore the distinction between love and love’s counterfeits, I will call the insight that is central to love imagination, and the illusions projected by love’s counterfeits fiction-making. This is a technical usage, which differs somewhat from the way these terms are ordinarily used. In ordinary usage both terms have to do with “making things up.” What my special use of them is intended to highlight is roughly the contrast between seeing what may not yet wholly exist, but should (imagination), and seeming to see either what should not and will not exist or what does or will exist, but should not (fiction-making). (14, bolding emphasis mine)

And about imagination and destiny: “Imagination is the capacity to see what may not yet appear but should. Imagination, then, when directed toward persons, amounts to insight into someone’s destiny” (16). So what’s my point? Well, I’m not trying to say that I think it’s my destiny to become a fabulous chef and master of the culinary arts (no comments from the peanut gallery, if you please), but I am happy about becoming a bit more familiar with the kitchen because I do hope cooking for my family is a part of my “destiny.” And the workers and helpers and students at L’Abri are, in Simon’s language, using their imaginations to encourage me in friendly love towards becoming who I should be (both in and out of the kitchen). Hooray for fellowship and ontology!

The Origin of Evil

2007-08-28T14:39:00.006-05:00

OK. The Big Question… The origin of evil? Who cares? For nearly the entire summer I had been loosing interest; the more I thought about it the less I cared to pursue it. Perhaps I’ll revisit it in some form during my studies, for if the question continues to knock on my door, what can I do but answer it (the door not the question)? Instead I’d like to take a crack at some philosophy and see if I like it as much as I think I do as well as focus on implementing a routine of more intrusive spiritual discipline in my life. I’m not sure entirely what I mean my “more intrusive”, but I think it has something to do with God being God and not me. I hope to accomplish several things during my stay here, but of course, “the journey IS the destination!” J The Lord in his great kindness is teaching me to really live out of this process-prospective instead of just saying it because it’s profound (and true).

Something I’ve always been interested in is breaking down the lies of our particular Christian subculture that are so dangerous to the beloved church. These deceptions that shape how we view reality derive (it seems to me, though I’m no expert) from years of merely, perhaps subconsciously absorbing secularist views of reality (that is to say, of the world in which we live, of human existence and experience, of God, who He is and how He works in/relates to the world and humanity…) into our own ways of thinking. So in essence, the lie is the same as that which comes from the world only more dangerous, for the Christian subculture uses biblical language (naturally), causing the distinctions between worldly thinking and Kingdom-mindedness to be quite blurry. OR, we are so horrified and afraid of the current cultural climate that we derive our norms and nuances merely from reactionary thinking. This happens mostly in so-called fundamentalist groups, but look closely and see if it doesn’t slip into “mainstream” Christianity in a more subtle form.

Give me an example, you say. Well, we translate the American dream into christianese and call it “prosperity gospel”. We build and run and advertise our churches like major corporations. Several more come to mind, perhaps some ideologies that are more subtle and hit closer to home, such as views on gender-roles, science, the workplace, the home, confusing agapē with being nice, confusing Christianity with being good citizen... Much of these skewed views within our subculture stem from platonic dualism. Wow, Plato! How long ago was that? So if Plato’s managed to sew himself so intricately into Christian thought for so long, it seems no one will be able to pull out the thread, but what is impossible for us is possible with God. One day the sweater we wear will unravel and we’ll be naked and free! (Vulnerable, but free; ridiculed, but free, Sunburned, but free!)

My mentor’s name is Jasie and I meet with her at five on Tuesdays (that’s 10am Dallas time). I’m excited about what will come from my relationship with her over the next several months.

More to come next week… I already have some thoughts cooking and I’m looking forward to getting everyone’s response.

Welcome to L’Abri!

2007-08-21T12:33:00.003-05:00

I have been at L’Abri Fellowship for exactly a week and I am enjoying myself here. The first few days were hard. I don’t think that before now I’ve ever felt homesick in my life, but I’ve never really had the opportunity either; I’ve never been away so far for so long. I look out my window (or look anywhere) and see before me the beautiful Swiss Alps which are equally both wondrous and strange. They’re a constant reminder of where I am… and where I am not. For the first few days, these mountains were an ever-fixed symbol of the ghastly, insurmountable, unmovable unfamiliarity I must face and cannot avoid. (And even if I could avoid sight of them, there’s the constant clanging of the cowbells which serves as an incessant reminder too.) But I’m feeling more comfortable now and I expect things will continue in this direction.

I’m surprised by some of the dynamics of people here. I was expecting to encounter lots of new perspective, some perhaps even hostile towards Christianity. But, though there is a variety of perspective, each is mostly contained within Western Christian thought. However, leaning on the Holy Spirit for guidance about different persons’ actual, as opposed to proclaimed, relationship with God. I was excited about meeting people from all over the world, but most of the students here are American! I was also thinking a place like this would attract more men than women, but not this term. However, my fears of reliving the past several years of women’s dorm-life have not yet actualized.

One aspect I am especially enjoying is our routine. A typical day for me here at L’Abri consists of breakfast, which is promptly at eight, where we usually have cold milk and cereal and toast (no hotdogs yet!). There is coffee, tea, and hot milk available every morning. After breakfast, dish volunteers are asked for and everyone is preparing for his or her day. This is where it gets fun. At least for me because now that I’ve been up for over an hour, I’m awake and willing to smile and talk to people in actual words and sentences rather than grunts and grimaces. For the next three hours we are all busy either working or studying. Each student is assigned a household chore from laundry to yard-work, cooking, cleaning… The schedule is different each day, so the night before or sometimes after breakfast I look to see when my chore is (morning or afternoon) and what my chore is.

I enjoy chores in part no doubt because of the novelty of being at L’Abri, but also because it is done in community. Even if I am working by myself picking weeds or secluded in the basement doing laundry, I am never completely removed from the reality that others are working around the grounds too. And simply being a part of that dynamic, that is, a community working together, each member contributing to the good of the whole, is gratifying. It’s also neat to think we’re all (potentially) studying unto the same end, the good of the whole. I should add, it is gratifying to the soul only in Christ, when community includes and derives from relationship with Him. Having never really been too far outside of such Christ-centered communities – home, then DBU, now here – I’m not sure how to test such a statement, though I know it to be true regardless. However, I do know how out of joint my contributions have been in aforementioned bodies when I forgot the Head as the Source of Life in the body.

There are tea breaks both in the morning and afternoon (“More hot tea, please.” I really can’t get enough of it, delicious!), but I only go during work and not always then, only when I feel it won’t hinder my progress. Lunch is at one (sharp). We are divided into two groups, each group meets with one or two workers (full-time staff) often for the purpose of a “formal lunch”, though not always. During formal lunches the worker facilitates student-led discussion. Discussions might be about something a student is studying or it can be anything we’ve been wrestling with doctrinally, or philosophically, ect.

Dinner is at 6:30 and then we have the evenings free. We hang out and chat, play games, read “books we brought just for fun” (light reading). The Internet is available for 0.14 Swiss Francs per minute from 7pm-midnight and there’s always a line. For time’s sake they ask we not upload pictures to the computer here… So though I hope to post some pics, I’m not sure when I’ll have the chance. Here’s hoping.

I know you’re all dying to know about my “great question” and what I’m studying, but you’ll just have to wait a little longer. Though she/he has been assigned to me, I don’t know who my mentor is yet, and that dynamic will undoubtedly impact the direction of my studies. So that I can write about my studies more entirely, I will wait until my next opportunity to blog.

Some people have been asking for my address here, and in the spirit of giving and receiving, I am most happy to oblige and give out my address in order to receive gifts from you!

Labri Fellowship
Chalet Bellevue
1884 Huemoz
Switzerland

New Season

2007-08-05T03:39:00.003-05:00

I just finished packing my bags (each of them way exactly 30 lbs -- I'd like to think I'm just that good of a packer!) I'm so used to being able to go to Walmart at my slightest whim that trying to pack and plan for four months has been a completely new experience.

Well, I'm on my way! It's official, though still surreal. I don't think it will be real in the sense that Labri is the reality that defines my current existence until I step through the door, am shown my room, and begin working on making the unfamiliar familiar, and soon afterwards, home for this season.

It's strange going into a commitment like this (I'm a slight commitment-aphobe anyway) knowing so little what to expect. But that's part of the adventure! (I keep telling myself.) And it's true. I am most fortunate to have friends and family to remind me of such and to support me, even in the face of pragmatic pressures to exist merely as a cog in the machine. So thank you. Thank you, each of you for all your love and support, your edification and joy.

Many more posts to come, so keep checking on it. And if I haven't written as quickly as I should have in between posts and you're wondering what I'm up to and how I'm doing... Ask. :)